Throwback Thursday: How to Write Bad Metaphors

Let’s face it, metaphors (or as Wikipedia defines it: a figure of speech that describes a subject by asserting that it is, on some point of comparison, the same as another otherwise unrelated object) are all over the place and while great metaphors can be awe inspiring pieces of literary genius, bad metaphors are more prevalent and, honestly, a little more entertaining when you are bored and looking for something to fill your time.

They aren’t just fun to read, however, but they are fun to write.

How dare you Zoidberg, how dare you.

Some of my favorite T.V. shows are full of bad metaphors, like Futurama (if you can’t tell from the picture above), and these bad metaphors are what make the shows funny.

Here’s how to write a bad metaphor.

One method is to think of something mundane and think of another extraordinarily mundane thing to compare it to that is completely unrelated.

He was apple juice, cold and crisp, yet full of unneeded carbohydrates in the form of sugar.

What does it mean? I really don’t know. That’s part of the fun of bad metaphors – they don’t really have to have a clear meaning. The more oddball they are, the more fun.

Here’s another example of the oddly mundane bad metaphor.

Morning was a mild odor that comes to shoes when the owner doesn’t wear socks often.

Another fun route to go is to go outside of the mundane to something offbeat, like rainbow unicorns shooting glitter out into space. Here’s how I’d use that in a sentence:

You know, my teacher is great, but not rainbow unicorns shooting glitter out into space great.

That statement is totally untrue, by the way, all of my teachers are that great or greater (in case they read this blog).

All in all, the best way to write a bad metaphor is to have fun with it and don’t take your writing too seriously. People read for fun, too.

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