How To Write A Last Minute Love Poem

Well, it’s February 11th. What’s the significance of that? It’s three days away from Valentine’s day.

If you ascribe to the capitalist tradition of giving gifts once a year on February 14th to begrudgingly express affection, you’re in deep shit if you haven’t purchased anything yet.

Fear not! Nothing says love like a poem. And if poetry isn’t your strong suit, continue your fearing not, because I’m here to help you write the perfect poem to express just how amorous your amour is for your paramour.

1. Bigger isn’t always better. Can’t pull off a big love poem? Write your lover a haiku and promise him or her it will be longer next time.


Short Love

We are but two souls
Brought together by our love
More to come later

2. Commit, hardcore. I generally advise people to avoid absolutes in writing, but, hey, go for it – in the name of romance. Tell your lover you will always love him or her and never leave. This can’t bite you in the butt later.


Sonnets from the Portuguese 43: How Do I Love Thee
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806–1861)

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight.
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, –I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! — and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

3. Show them you know them. Be sure you know the person you’re writing your love poem about REALLY well. Like, too well. Like, follow them around for a day and write a poem based off of their daily activities.


Helen’s Day

3:10 – Helen goes into the bathroom.
3:30 – Helen exists the bathroom. She has taken a long time. I did not hear her wash her hands.
3:33 – Helen sneezes. I say bless you. She looks around, confused, because she thought she was alone. She can’t spot me. She starts to walk faster.

4. Love poems are overrated. Express other emotions like hunger or boredom. This shows that you think outside of the poetic love box.


Love and Pizza

My love for you is like a hunger.
Speaking of hunger, I kind of feel like pizza.
We can order it in the shape of a heart.
So, pizza?
And let’s play XBox. If you want me to spend time with you,
You’ll want to keep me from getting bored.
Happy Valentine’s Day.

5. Use poetic language. Transform your significant other into the qualities that made you fall in love with them. Objectify them, if you will. Be sure to talk about their physical qualities without actually describing them in any meaningful way. That’s love.


There Is A Garden In Her Face
By Thomas Campion (1567–1620)

There is a garden in her face
Where roses and white lilies grow;
A heav’nly paradise is that place
Wherein all pleasant fruits do flow.
There cherries grow which none may buy,
Till “Cherry ripe” themselves do cry.

Those cherries fairly do enclose
Of orient pearl a double row,
Which when her lovely laughter shows,
They look like rose-buds fill’d with snow;
Yet them nor peer nor prince can buy,
Till “Cherry ripe” themselves do cry.

Her eyes like angels watch them still,
Her brows like bended bows do stand,
Threat’ning with piercing frowns to kill
All that attempt with eye or hand
Those sacred cherries to come nigh,
Till “Cherry ripe” themselves do cry.

Pro-tip! Flowers are so overrated and overdone. Instead, pick something else colorful and strong-scented to use as a metaphor – like fish!

And don’t forget to seal your poem with a kiss, for DNA evidence.

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